would you like some cheese with that whine?

Well... as far as the adoption thing goes, Becca finally e-mailed me and said that I'm to meet with her and a woman from my tribe's clan on Tuesday. Its a tiny step forward but at least its forward. The meeting is just to give a heads up as to what we're looking for and to put a little notion in the ears of the chiefs. "For extra support."...whatever that means. Hey, I'll take any support I can get.

The doctor's office still hasn't called me back about scheduling another HSG... and wouldn't you know it, I got the beginnings of another period yesterday. I think. Its a little soon... but then again, my cycles are so screwed up that "soon" means nothing. "Soon" is actually a good thing considering the fact that I've gone 6 months before without one! So I'm going to call the office when I know that the period is for sure a period.

I wonder if I'm focusing on the negative too much. Do people REALLY need to hear other peoples negative frustrations?!?! Afterall, I know people who are very negative in nature... and its usually the case that either: A) Their negativity rubs off on others and/or B) Negative things happen to them all the time! Isn't that an odd thing? So I think that instead of the usual whine and rant, I'm going to try to be a little more positive and see where that gets me. ... I bet I fall off the wagon! Ha!

I'm also trying to be a little more spiritual with this whole fertility thing...if I can ever get it off the ground. No, I'm not your typical Bible thumper (no offense to any Christians who might be reading this, but "Hyper Christians", as Ethan calls them, annoy the shit out of me.) I'm simply talking to the Creator more about this. There is a small ounce of pressure lifted off my shoulders when I put things in the Creator's hands. So Sadie Marie is going down the positive road... for who knows how long... but for now.

help! I'm surrounded by dodos!

Extra! Extra! Read All About It! Miss Bird Brain Strikes Again!

Dodo Secretary doesn't know her ass from her elbow.

I've been waiting to get the ball rolling on the fertility thing for... seriously, I can't count how many months. Frankly, I've stopped counting. One thing after another has been keeping me from even STARTING this whole ordeal of fertility testing... and I haven't even gotten on the damn roller coaster yet!

In my previous blog I explained how I had to re-schedule another hysterosalpingoram because the first THREE proceedures didn't work. The nurse told me to call when I got my next period(which could be one month to eight months from now for all I know they're so god damn irregular) so I could schedule another proceedure for the following Friday. Remember, it specifically has to be the following Friday AFTER my cycle ends. There is really a small window in which this can take place.

Well, Yay! I ACTUALLY got a period in April! I called the nurse and she said she'd schedule a proceedure for the next Friday (today). She had to check her books and get back to me on the time and place. She doesn't call back.

I leave a message at the gyno's office yesterday to see whats up. No call back. Nervously, I call again this morning and Miss Bird Brain Secretary answers. (Whenever she answers I let out an internal sigh... its like talking to a brick wall sometimes!)

"Hello... I'm just calling to find out when my hysterosalpingogram is and where it'll be?"

"Ummmm... whats your name?"

(I tell her)

"ummmm.... " ... "hold on..."

(*SIGH*)

"Ummm.. yes, well I don't see you down here. Were you supposed to come in?"

"No, I'm supposed to have a proceedure done at ____ hospital today... the nurse was supposed to schedule me for it for the Friday following my last period... which is today."

"umm...do you have a script for that?"

(WHAT...THE...FUCK!!!!!) "Ummm (insert sarchasm here) No."

"Hold on let me check her book..."

(rolling my eyes and waiting)

"I don't see you here... (flipping pages)... whats today?"

(Internal scream) "Friday the 2nd"

"hmmm... well I don't see... oh wait... oh yes, it's at 11:00 today.."

(It was 10:30 at this point) "Oh it is!?"

"Oh wait... thats a different person with your last name. Well, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to call back on Monday when the nurse gets back. She hasn't been here."

(ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!??!?!) "Oh really?? Because I'm supposed to have this done today. I might have to wait until my NEXT period and I've been waiting to have this done for a long time now."

"Well the nurse isn't here and I don't know about this... I'm sorry you'll have to call on Monday."

I got off the phone and cried out of frustration. This is the SECOND time this has happened where I wait for the elusive period, it comes, I call to schedule an appointment, and I end up having to "call back on Monday" because Miss Bird Brain doesn't know what I'm talking about! Something or someone, be it cosmic or some crazy person dabbling in witchcraft, is clearly trying to stop me from moving forward here! How can there be so many doors slammed in my face... one after another???

And the adoption thing... I'm dealing with another dodo there! She had wanted to cut off ties altogether because she thought it would be a "conflict of interest" to work with us. Ethan convinced me to tell her that it wasn't really... we're not interested in the child that she had." (I gave up on that one... I put it all in the hands of the Creator) So I called her to see if we could meet and waited a very long time for her to get back to me.

I FINALLY got a phone call, "Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner... I've just been so busy with the baby and all...you know, cuz I have the baby now... and well (awkward pause) ummm..." If that wasn't a dagger in my heart, I don't know what is! (Read my previous post about forming an angry mob about that! I get sick thinking about it still)

Finally, we met with Becca with our questions. We ended up saying yes to foster care first even though it scares the shit out of me! She created up some "official form" for us to fill out right there on the spot and she said she'd take it to the chiefs. I finally felt like something was rolling the ball. We were officially on the waiting list and she was going to notify other tribes around us as well. "I'll let you know next week when we can meet with the chiefs. You can come along too." Two weeks went by and I e-mailed her.

Her response in a nutshell: Sorry, it must be frustrating for you. I didn't get a chance to talk to the chiefs yet. Sometimes they are here (at the office... if you wanna call it that) and thats when I get a chance to speak with them. They haven't been in yet ... but I'll let you know.

I had to read her response 3 times before I could really understand what she was saying. Her grammer was absolutely horrible! ... and she has a college degree??!? I'm no English major but at least write where people can understand what you're trying to say! What kind of people am I working with?!?!?!

You know, I wipe my hands of trying to deal with her... again, I put it all in the hands of the Creator. I'm done. I'm through. I'm not going to follow up with her anymore.
Whatever happens will be the work of the Creator... I'm done working hard to get started. I'm done working hard to get nowhere.