roller coaster does a loop-de-loop and I'm gonna barf.

I saw Dr. Kris Kringle today for my post-op appointment. He showed me some pictures of my ovaries and tubes which was really rad! They looked good but my left tube was still blocked after they injected the dye. He found a polyp (which I got to see) and got rid of it. He also referred me to a specialist and I have an appointment with the new doctor in November. Man, I hope I don't have to go under the knife again. I was hoping to get some answers but I'm still in the dark.

In other news, I ran into Becca at a fair last week. I was walking towards a building and she turned the corner in front of me. I'm still a little saddened about the whole "misunderstanding" about that little girl she now has (See March 26th blog entitled 'cry cry cry cry cry cry cry'). I happened to notice her first and looked away. She was holding her baby. My heart sank with saddness and bitter jealousy. I managed to fake smile and looked up, "Oh! Hey Becca. I didn't see you... almost walked right by you! How are you?!?" (I COULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR FOR THAT ONE!) I didn't want to look at the baby girl but I had to force myself to... afterall, who greets someone holding a baby and doesn't make a comment??? "Ohhh... she's soo cute!" I even grabbed her fingers and smiled. I felt so fake. I was totally acting. Move over Greta Garbo!

Yes, the baby WAS cute... but looking at her made my depression level rise. "Say hi to Sadie", Becca said to the baby who obviously wasn't old enough to talk. I smiled and made small talk, "I'm trying to find my husband! He's lost!" (fake chuckle). She chuckled. It sounded just as fake as mine but I couldn't tell for sure. Suddenly she says, "Hey - I'm looking into something for you so don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you. I know I've been so busy with other things but don't worry. I'm looking into something." Was I showing my disapointment of having empty arms at that moment? ...or was it simply HER GUILT! Hmmmm...... I know I know... psycho Sadie.

Her comment actually snapped me back into the real world. It was interesting. Inside, I was jumping up and down as if it were Christmas morning and I was standing at a massive pile of gifts under the tree waiting for the green light to start tearing paper to shreds. On the outside, I calmly said, "Oh really? Ok." and "Oh, thats no problem, I understand we're all busy these days." and "Ok, yeah.. keep me posted. I'll see ya later." (AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...) "OK thanks. Talk to you later."

Immedietly I went into psycho mode. "Working on something"... "working on something"... those words kept repeating in my mind. What the heck was she working on?!? Couldn't she give me any more information?!? In my attempt to remain cool I think I forgot to ask for details. DOH! What was I thinking??!! Uggg...

(...*ENVELOPE RIPPING* ...SADIE MARIE! FOR HER ROLE IN 'SHADY SITUATIONS' - APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE)