like a deflated balloon...

...that's how I felt last Thursday morning when I came out of the gyno's office and walked to my car.

As I put my seatbelt on, little did I know that I was actually preparing myself for a ride in the ShittyDayMobile.

So I went and got the pregnancy test done in preparation for the hysterosalpin-thingy. I gave the shotglass of pee to the nurse and waited in that small room with the stirrup table. Dr. Jolly St. Nick comes in and he says, "ahhh... still spotting I see. Hmmm... well... I don't think I'm going to do the proceedure tomorrow if thats the case. I don't want to start anything we don't want... namely an infection." This doctor is cool. I enjoy his twisted sense of humor and his odd facial expressions. "Yeah.... we're gonna be shooting stuff up there and we dont want any other (funny facial expression) stuff being pushed into your body cavity... lets just say you won't wanna come back to us if that happened!" So... we put off the dreaded hystero-thingie for another couple of weeks. Arg!

I go to my car feeling like a deflated balloon. I JUST WANNA GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD! My uterus is NOT listening to me. She insists on spotting for 3 weeks straight now. Damn.

That was the first bump in the road for my Shitty Day ride. The next came with the news that my dad is not doing so well with his newly found cancer. He had a tumor removed from his bladder and the doctor thought it wasn't aggressive. Well, the biopsy indicated a level 3 tumor (I still don't know what that means) and that the bladder wasn't emptying all the way. On top of that, the bladder still had cancer cells in it... so they might have to remove it altogether. I'm very nervous about this... and of course I think about worst case scenerios. I then think about how my dad is waiting for another grandchild (my brother isn't having anymore... he got his junk tied) and ... what if he won't be able to see another one if this whole process is taking so long! I didn't cry though. I pushed those fears away and thought positively. Fuckin' A.

So then I go to work. I work with 3rd graders in an after school program. We play games in the gym, do crafts, etc. These 3rd graders are VERY difficult sometimes. Since I have the biggest group (12 kids) I have another woman helping me. This woman is no help whatsoever... and these kids don't listen! I get very stressed out some days.

We went to their classroom to pick them up and some were taking too long to get their stuff ready. I decided to stay with the stragglers while Miss Clueless brought the others to the cafeteria...or so I thought. Maybe it was lack of communication (then again, do I have to tell her everything!?!?!) but Miss Clueless went to the library and let the kids go to the cafeteria by themselves. I get to the cafeteria no more than 2 minutes later to see my boss peering out of her office at the group. The kids weren't misbehaving... they were getting the games out as usual.

Her boytoy Jim (who doesn't seem to have a purpose there but to follow my MARRIED boss around with ga ga eyes) comes out of the office and says, "Ummm.. Sadie... can I talk to you for a minute?" He sounded concerned and my blood started to boil. He's not my boss. He proceeded to tell me that under no circumstances were the kids allowed to be unattended in the cafeteria. (Even though my boss' office is located IN the cafeteria) "They can't be allowed to run off ahead of you." My jaw clenched. He then proceeded to tell me that I had to be more firm and "not so wishy washy" with kids. I didn't have the energy to explain what happened. "You gotta yell at them. You have to let them know who's boss or they'll run all over you." I was pissed. I walked away and Jim went back to my boss' office to do his usual chit chat / flirting shit. (He's got a girlfriend and daughters too!) So I got a talking to about how I don't know how to work with kids. Just great.

The last time I cried my eyes out to the point of not being able to breathe was when my grandma died last May. I cried this hard on the way home in the car.

You know what? Blow me!