My biological clock is ticking... AND ITS MAKING ME A TAD PSYCHO!!!!! just a tad

November 13, 2008

I had so many questions to ask Becca, but I held back. I didn't want her to think I was all psycho... although, when your biological clock is ticking, doesn't it make one just a little bit psycho??? Holy shit! I wanted to run around and shout to the world, "There might be a baby for us out there!!!!!"

I eventually told Ethan and, in typical Ethan (guy?) fashion, he was practical and un-emotional. I don't know if his reaction brought me down to earth or what... but it definitely supressed a gigantic urge to jump up & down while freakishly waving my hands in the air as if my hair was on fire! "Don't get your hopes up" HA!

His reaction was expected however. I didn't exactly expect him to grab my hands and jump up and down with me while letting out a high pitched screech. We've talked about adoption before... and he knew I was in the process of looking into it.
His reaction was, "Well, what about what we've been doing with the tests and your doctor?" and "You know, that would be opening up a door for some hard times possibly." and "I think we should just stick to what we've been trying to do with the doctors... I don't know about this." I stood there... hair on fire extinguished and smoldering. AND THEN he said something that crushed my heart, "I think we should only adopt if there is an absolute need. I say if there are OTHER good families out there waiting for a kid, let them do it... I don't know."

Ok wait a minute.... first he wanted me, a psychotic girl about to explode if she doesn't have a child soon, to look into adoption... now he's telling me to wait. You don't do that! Am I right??????
I know, I know... he's just being practical and he doesn't want me to get hurt if things go wrong, ie. the mother decides to keep the child, or wants it back (Indian Child Welfare laws dictate different rules in our case). I didn't know how to react to his reactions. Its as though you are a kid waking up Christmas morning to find out Santa forgot your house. I wanted to cry.

So I told my mom about Becca's news and I finally got a reaction similar to mine. Phew! I wasn't crazy afterall. In fact, I think she wanted to cry. I told her Ethan's reaction and she was on the same page as myself, "Well, I think you should keep ALL your options open!" I said, "Well, what if we actually adopt this child and I get pregnant at the same time!" Her answer was obvious," Well.. then you have two!" EXACTLY!

I'll take whatever the Creator gives me! I couldn't say no if she came back and said there is a definite need for a family for this child. How could Ethan THINK to say no??? I can't imagine where I'd be today if my own parents said no when the department of social services told them there was a baby girl available. One word: Unthinkable! Waiting for over 3 years for SOMETHING to happen and even the notion of turning something away... unthinkable!

But... don't get my hopes up.